Protestantism, a 43,000 unit trailer park
Tens of thousands of ambitious Protestant men have invented Marketing Plans. The successful have generated sufficient cash flows to be among Protestantism’s 43,000 denominations. It is easy to visualize Protestantism. Protestantism, a 43,000 unit trailer park! Every Marketing Plan that has taken denominational form is one of the trailers in the park! Each of the […]
Catholics know: Equality is a trap for the vain!
God threw the devil and his rebellious followers out of Heaven. The lessons we learn? 1. The devil thought “I am better than God.” 2. He is not. 3. All who assume they do not need to obey God suffer forever in hell. Catholics know: Equality is a trap for the vain! The devil was […]
Each Protestant group is a Marketing Plan
There are more than 43,000 Protestant groups. Market research explains: “Each Protestant group is a Marketing Plan that has taken a theological form.” Many do not realize that Protestant Affinity Groups (PAGs) are religious versions of Secular Affinity Groups (SAGs), which include Environmentalists, MENSA, Republicans, Democrats, Rotary, and Scientology. A successful Protestant Affinity Group must […]
There are Big Protestant Marketing Problems
There are Big Protestant Marketing Problems! A local minister, young Pastor Bob, Jr., came to see me at our Marketing Company, Flim, Flam & Fluff. What a challenge he gave us! He began by explaining: “We have some credibility problems. The Catholic Church has been around for two thousand years. Our denomination was invented by […]
All need The Church of The Perfect Baptism
Catholic Fundamentalism was viciously attacked with the following when a Protestant reader urgently informed us, in all Capital Letters: “I READ HEBREW 6:1–6. HOW CAN YOU CATHOLICS GO ON TO MATURE UNDERSTANDING WHEN YOU CATHOLICS HAVEN’T GOTTEN THE BASICS–THE FIRST LESSONS ABOUT JESUS CHRIST RIGHT YET. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SAVED, YOU PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO […]
Marketing Plan for Dying Protestant Groups
As lunch continued, I wondered “Pastor Bob, how is your church doing with all the changes? Is church attendance keeping up?” “Well, the congregation is getting older. When someone dies, their part of the pew stays empty.” “Are you making ends meet?” “Better than ever!” I was stunned. “That’s amazing! How can you be doing […]
Lapsed Cat’lics is wha’r the money is!
“Now, we is all dun wif’ yer trainin’. Y’all knows how ter wurk The Gian’ Baptismal Font. Y’all has been trained in operatin’ the Giant Baptismal Crane. N’, ya’ll kin handle the Baptismal Rotor. So, we be givin’ each ob you yer Offishal Engineerin’ Certyfication thereof. N’, we be giving each of you yer very […]
Young Pastor Bob learned about Holy Orders
“My Church of The Perfect Baptism is the greates’ theologicul breakthrough in the hist’ry of Baptizin’!”, exulted Pastor Big Bob to his latest class of franchisees. At the end of this class, Young Pastor Bob learned about Holy Orders and how simple they could be. His exciting, new Protestant Church featured “The Baptismal Crane and […]
Young Pastor Bob learned about Marriage
Young Pastor Bob was having a hard time in Pastor Big Bob’s Seminary of The Perfect Baptism. The powerful pumps and motors that moved a swimming pool full of water from The River Jordan through the palms and fig trees on the Baptismal Banks of the Giant Baptismal Font required actual engineering skill. And, there […]
Young Pastor Bob’s Confirmation concerns
It took almost a month for Franchisees to be ordained in Pastor Big Bob’s Seminary of The Perfect Baptism. Young Pastor Bob’s Confirmation concerns were pushed aside. “Ah’ll get to that ‘Confirmification Stuff’ later.”, Pastor Big Bob explained. “Wha’s lots more importan’ than any of that stuff is gettin’ all you guys trained on usin’ […]