You can be a Pastor Bob!
So, you want to start your own, profitable schism and make the big bucks? It’s fun! It’s profitable! The hours are short! It’s not really work, it’s just simple bloviating! Here’s a short introduction to the beginning courses that Schism Seminary offers the future Pastor Bobs. Did you know that The best Pastor Bobs begin […]
One way Protestants save souls
One type of Protestant is reasonably content. “I am happy in my church with my family and my friends. Isn’t that enough?” Other Protestants are very likely to respond, “No! That is not enough!” That pronouncement is quickly followed by some variant of: “If you want to be saved you must be in our church.” […]
Here’s how, Pastor Bob!
Lesson One: The young, ambitious Pastor Bob must memorize and rehearse The Vital Sentence. He must be able to use it effectively with every person, donor, potential contributors, and everyone he meets: “Jesus needs you.” If you want to be a Pastor Bob with your own giant mega-church, personal Lockheed Mission Jet, and a couple […]
Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux
Schism Seminary Announcement: Now, for a short time, Schism Seminary is offering its most popular course on the new Schism Seminary Cyber School! No need to quit your job to learn the most important revenue stream that every Pastor Bob has to have: “Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux!” Low-end Pastor Bob start-ups begin with hitting […]
A fun reason to be Catholic
The Only Church Jesus Founded protects Catholics from odd theological theories and those who profit from them. “The Rapture” is a perfect example of why it’s better to be Catholic than to be easily led by a vain man with a marketing plan. The Rapture was invented by John Nelson Darby in 1830 AD. As […]
“You are a good person.”
Sometimes, even experienced Pastor Bobs get confused by different marketing plans from the 43,000 schisms claiming to be “Christian”. The competing, conflictging efforts of the three or four hundred thousand Pastor Bobs behind them can be very confusing. This update from Schism Seminary may help. Good morning from Schism Seminary! Hope you are doing well, […]
Are Pastor Bobists bi-polar?
Many pass this judgment on others: “You never know what he’s going to do because he’s bi-polar.” Or, “It’s hard to be friends with her because she’s bi-polar.” Before “bi-polar” came into vogue, the same odd, contradictory behaviors were described as “schizoid”, “schizophrenic”, or “split personality”. New generations of “experts” replace those labels with the […]
Schism’s Marketing Plan
Schisms are crystallized vanity. “I do not want to work.” says the schism-inventor. “I want to have people give me money.” That’s easier said than done. So, each schism inventor must develop his Schism’s Marketing Plan. There are 43,000 schisms. Each has its own Marketing Plan. All 43,000 schisms, and the two new schisms that […]
Schismatic Marketing Plans
All 43,000 Schismatic Marketing Plans include “We believe in Jesus and The Bible.” It’s a branding technique so common that it’s like entering a fog bank. Everyone inviting people to climb their ladder among the 43,000 Ladders to Heaven says, “We believe in Jesus and The Bible.” It’s fun to compare Schismatic Marketing Plans. The […]
Protestant marketing plans
Ambitious Protestants who want to start their own religion begin with deeper, darker desires for fame and fortune. They are masked with the usual schismatic subterfuge: “I want to help people have a relationship with God! I want to focus on Jesus and The Bible! I want to focus on the family! I want. . […]