FINALLY: A new, Protestant Breakthrough to Validity!
For 2,000 years, ambitious Protestants have invented their own denominations. Catholics would remind them: “It is wrong to abandon The Only Church Jesus Founded! He only said to one man, one time, about One Church:
“Verily, verily I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”
It has been hard for Protestants to get around that. They have invented endless “Peter’s Not The Rock Dialogues” to prove that “Jesus didn’t really say: “Thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church.’!
Professional Protestants had recently realized: “Smarter people aren’t taking us seriously. We need: A new, Protestant Breakthrough to Validity! We need a new way to get around Jesus’ words, ‘Thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church.’!”
After dinner and drinks following the bi-annual “Peter’s Not The Rock Conference” at Aspen, a little-known Pastor Bob from The Family-Friendly Welcoming Church of Skidmore finished his third, or fourth, Bloody Mary.
Suddenly, he slammed his glass onto the bar and stared blankly. “Whassa matter, Passa Bob? One too many?” slurred a slightly inebriated colleague from Thank You Jesus Families’ Ministry in nearby Scooterville.
Pastor Bob stared blankly at him. “I have had a Word of God! It’s better than any of our old ‘Peter’s Not The Rock Dialogues’!”
Silence slowly spread through the huge, luxurious penthouse bar as the astonishing news went through the crowd: “Pastor Bob has something better than any of the ‘Peter’s Not The Rock Dialogues’!”
He was urged to climb atop the shining bar so the hundreds of clergy could hear him proclaim: “We have been going about this all wrong! We should admit that Jesus was actually right to say “Thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church!”
Old-line ‘Peter’s Not The Rock’ experts were appalled! They replied with jerk-knee speed to the Catholic heresy that Jesus, The Holy Spirit, The Bible, Saint Matthew, and The Catholic Church could be correct!
“You don’t get it!”, cried Pastor Bob over their objections. “All we have to do is teach donors that the men who invented the Marketing Plans that became our denominations are all named ‘Peter‘, if only by intention!“
The deep profundity of Pastor Bob’s Revelation began to sink in as Pastor Bob continued: “We are all named ‘Peter’, even if we don’t know it! We are each named in ‘Thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church.’! We can go for double tithes!”
History was made that night. Finally: A new, Protestant Breakthrough to Validity!
For endless hours, clergypersons in the huge lounge, all in various states of spiritual, and actual, inebriation, repeated admiringly to themselves, “My real name is ‘Peter’! Jesus Founded His Church on me!”