We have found the oddest Protestantism of all. Recently, correspondence was uncovered in the bankruptcy reports from a bygone Baptist University, WegettoHeavennot U.
A letter to the Physics Department was found among the files.
“Dear Dr. Allusrite:
I am excited by the great discovery of your graduate students in The Physics Department. Their brilliant invention of a functioning Time Machine is a great step forward. Or, backwards, as the case may be.
We are encouraged that one of your students was able to travel back in time and take an actual Polaroid photo of President Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address!
I have spoken with our Provost, The Reverend Doctor Pastor Bob, Himself.
The Reverend Doctor Pastor Bob wants you to send several members of the WegettoHeavennot U. football team back in time to just before The Wedding Feast of Cana. You remember, that is the place where Jesus Made His Great Mistake.
When Jesus attempts to turn several huge, stone jars full of water into wine, The Reverend Doctor Pastor Bob wants you to have our football players tackle Him!
He knows that Jesus wants someone to save Him from making The Biggest Mistake of His Life! The Reverend Doctor Pastor Bob feels that WegettoHeavennot U. Time Machine was brought into being to rectify The Great Mistake of Jesus.
We know that He certainly would not have wanted people in public drinking wine that He, personally provided. We have to stop Jesus!”
Sadly, WegettoHeavennot U. was closed due to lack of funds caused by what a local Lending Officer described as “our lack of faith in their faith”.
But, Missing Persons Reports are still stored in the local Police Department’s Cold Case Files. They report that several football players did mysteriously disappear after being called into the Physics Department.
And, in 1997, archeologists undertaking excavations at Cana did find, and discard, what appeared to be football helmets uncovered far below the surface.
Truly, this case is the oddest Protestantism of all.