Young Pastor Bob considers Communion
Young Pastor Bob considers Communion in his few weeks of theological studies at Pastor Big Bob’s Baptismal Seminary. He began by learning how to raise funds for a church building big enough to hold the Denomination’s Giant Baptismal Font. Then, he and the other students had to learn about the Giant Baptismal Font, itself. Each […]
Young Pastor Bob’s Confession concerns
Young Pastor Bob’s Confession concerns were brought up in a chance meeting with Pastor Big Bob after his brief introductory talk to his new Franchisees. He had explained, briefly, about the new, complete Baptisms in the Giant Baptismal Fonts. You’ve heard about them. Each one looks like a forty foot long section of The River […]
Making money the Pastor Bob way.
Every ambitious Protestant man needs Talking Points to make his Marketing Plan more attractive to donors to be Making money the Pastor Bob way. Donors must be identified. A Protestant man with a Marketing Plan discovers “There are 32,000,000 lapsed Catholics! Thirty Two Million! There are more lapsed Catholics than practicing Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Methodists, […]
A Protestant man with a Marketing Plan
A Protestant man with a Marketing Plan decides “I want to make a living by Preaching the Gospel! It beats working!” Then, they run into the sad reality. Both old and small Protestant Churches are dying on the vine. Methodists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Baptists and the other Franchise Outlet Protestant denominations are declining with accelerating speed. […]
Your little churches are dying on the vine!
A new, big-time Pastor Bob was in a lunch meeting in our town’s main restaurant with a dozen local ministers. He spoke with such loud, self assurance that every one in the restaurant could hear him: “Your little churches are dying on the vine!” “You guys just don’t get it! Your little churches are dying! […]
Catholics always fight lies with truth
Since Jesus Founded the Catholic Church, Catholics always fight lies with truth. The first lies were told to the Jerusalem Establishment, “If you don’t kill the followers of Jesus, they will destroy us.” The Jerusalem Establishment was worried. “Jews are reading the Prophets and seeing that they clearly predicted Jesus.” So, a great lie was […]
Pastor Bob’s Universal Protestant Corp. has Big Plans!
Pastor Bob’s Universal Protestantism Corp. has Big Plans! Pastor Bob #44,001 memo after The Consultant Report arrives at Universal Protestantism Corporation HQ! From: Pastor Bob 44,001: To: Staff/ High Importance! As you know, we have hired McKilsome & Co as consultants to help develop a Business Plan for Universal Protestantism Corp. Part of their work […]
Pastor Bob #44,001, Internal Memo
Catholic Fundamentalism just received a confidential copy of a memo sent by the latest and greatest, history-making Pastor Bob #44,001, Internal Memo to his employees. Pastor Bob #44,001, Internal Memo: To: Staff: Thanks to all! You did a Great Job getting our initial marketing plans prepared for our first network appearance yesterday! The phones have […]
Pastor Bob
It seems like yesterday that Pastor Bob #44,001 revolutionized Protestantism. Introduced as “Pastor Bob #44,001 is the real Protestant” by a TV Business Channel moderator, He said “I am a man with a Marketing Plan! I have received A Word of Knowledge AND an MBA from Wharton! Protestants are scattered in more than 43,000 denominations, […]
Perfectly Purified Protestants 1
“Catholics and old-fashioned Protestant denominations baptize babies by pouring or sprinkling a little water on their heads. That is so wrong. Babies should not be baptized. Neither should teen-agers.” Pastor Bob explains: “We are the new, Perfectly Purified Protestants, proud to be in Denomination Number 45,000 and ONE! We aren’t like Catholics or those old, […]