Invent your own schism! Part 14
Many students ask an important question as they move into The Business of Christianity. “What do I call myself?” It’s an important question. Schism Seminary’s fine Marketing Department provides valuable insight. We have extensively researched and analyzed the various titles. We can quantify the most effective forms of address to provide the greatest degree of […]
Start your own schism! Part 13
Some of the most important studies at Schism Seminary are in our Easy Mission Program. Schism Seminary students learn the most valuable lesson of all: No one in their right mind does missionary work in some wretched, third world country! Such places are hot, dry, wet, cold, and diseased. Worse yet, the natives don’t have […]
Invent your own schism! Part 12
Dr. Danny Dorkerdump is a bright light in The Schism Seminary Department of Theological Marketing. At our recent Seminar for Mega-church Ministers, Dr. Dorkerdump addressed several hundred of the world’s most important, and most successful, owners and operators of their own, personal schisms and mega-churches. It was impressive. Nearby airports were thronged with the Personal […]
Invent your own schism! Part 11
Weekly faculty meetings at Schism Seminary give our learned scholars an opportunity to share the results of their important research. Dr. Brad Blimpton recently acquainted us with his theory about attracting people from other schisms: There are a lot of Methodists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, and Baptists. Millions of them! At any given time, most of them […]
Invent your own schism! Part 10
If you are tired of being in an old, worn-out Protestant denomination, rife with divisions on every boring, moral issue, you will find Schism Seminary more than a welcome oasis. You will quickly see that Schism Seminary is your springboard to success in a Christian Business of your own. And, if you can no longer […]
Invent your own schism! Part 8
Confidential memorandum: The scholars and theologians here at Schism Seminary strive to provide opportunities for the Schism Leaders of Tomorrow. We are called to meet their needs. To do so, Schism Seminary has ongoing psychological analysis of the ambitious men and women who attend our fine Institution. “What,” we continually ask, “drives a person to […]
Invent your own schism! Part 7
Do you want to fly with the angels? Of course you do! That’s why you’re reading about Schism Seminary, where you can learn to make the really big money in the Business of Christianity. You are considering Schism Seminary, where the High Road meets The Bottom Line. So, when you want to “fly with the […]
Invent your own schism! Part 6
As your new schism grows, you will be amazed at the money you’re making! Still, you are smart enough to understand that you can make even more. Once you have enough donors to pay your expenses, future contributions drop straight to the bottom line. Your bottom line! Today, we’ll review some basics about how the […]
Invent your own schism! Part 5
You have your schism up and running! You’ve built a huge, new building, and the money is rolling in! You’ve set up a couple of overseas “Mission Outposts” for your church and have discovered that not one Customs Inspector has ever checked to see what you are bringing in or out of the country in […]
Invent your own schism! Part 4
When you decided to invent your own schism, you moved right to the head of the line! Obviously, you are very smart. And, you want to get ahead. While Catholics and stick-in-the-mud older Protestants might think that you are motivated by pride and greed, we know better. You want to serve. You want to serve […]