Thank God for kind, patient priests! They have to deal with misdirected do-gooders.
One of the continually concerned Catholic do-gooders is a Ms. Tiffany O’Feely. She lives in Brainded, a wealthy suburb. She loves to be concerned!
Recently, she read an article in a magazine. The glossy pages of Vogue alerted her to “The Dangers of Gluten in Our Food!”
Then, she saw the same thing on a talk show. She had no idea what digestive juices did to gluten molecules. She didn’t care. A popular magazine, and a TV talk show had informed her “Gluten is bad!”
“I must do something meaningful with my new knowledge!” She never once wondered: “Is just another marketing plan? Was it was placed on TV and in Vogue by a well-connected marketing firm to help its clients make money with ‘gluten-free’ food.”
That never crossed her mind.
“It’s in Vogue! It’s on TV! It must be true! Gluten is bad! Once a week, I go to Church and receive the Communion Wafer. Shouldn’t the Body of Christ be ‘gluten-free’?”
She immediately made an appointment with her priest. “I have to let him know! The Church is killing Catholics!”
Her patient priest, Father Gonalthwy, remembered that Ms. O’Feely had been just as “vitally concerned” when she read in an earlier issue of Vogue that a sip of Christ’s Blood in The Chalice could cause childhood alcoholism.
He patiently explained to her: “There are 453 grams in a pound. A Communion wafer weighs one quarter of a gram. There are 1,812 Communion wafers in a pound! There are 113 in one ounce. One tenth of that is gluten! Once, a week, Communicant Catholics receive less than one thousandth of an ounce of gluten”.
Thank God for kind, patient priests! After explaining, he suggested that abortion-inducing birth control pills caused billions of unborn children, no bigger than a grain of salt, to die. “That may be a cause for far, far greater concern.”, he suggested.
Her reply: “Father, that isn’t on TV. That isn’t in Vogue.”