Fixers Fix

The internet is filled with sites, like this one, that express a deeply felt desire to help “fix” things. Every problem of every level and type, local, state, federal, energy, medical, housing, education, defense, transportation, manufacturing, and distribution attracts people who say that they can “fix” the problem. Many such people are actual experts who actually could fix the problem.

Most “fixers” do not fully understand that each program hurts some people while helping others. Anyone who wants to fix things need to consider the following paragraph in wider terms:

“High gasoline prices hurt Americans while they help OPEC nations . So, OPEC nations chip in to provide “campaign contributions”, our generation’s name for “bribes” and “payola” to pass “environmentally” concerned legislation to keep hurting us while helping them.”

Every problem is summed up in that paragraph if the words in boldface are replaced with those that reflect whatever problem it is that we want to solve. Then, we see that problems are not economic, but are reflections of greed, vanity, and all the other sins that afflict us.

Fixing, II

Levels of government reflect the size of available bribes. Bribe levels, in turn, reflect the amounts for which people will sell their vote/soul. In many places, township and small-town officials each get a ham or so at Christmas. These donations come from some local supplier that provides local goods or services. Bribe Level I offers low-level bribes of that magnitude. Though small, they’re so effective that many supervisors will spend thousands of dollars to be re-elected, and the desire to go on getting that free ham at Christmas is a more significant part of that motivation than usually realized. “It’s not a bribe. It’s a token of appreciation.”, they insist with deadly seriousness.

Bribe Level II includes county officials, those in charge of smaller cities, school superintendents, and others controlling those amounts of expenditures. They want more for their votes and souls. Those at Bribe Level II are often “encouraged” to use one supplier or another by larger kinds of “contributions”. These people, responsible for buying whole fleets of vehicles, banks of computers, buildings, furnishings, and professional services would be insulted to be given a Christmas ham. They get far, far more meaningful manifestations of “appreciation”.

Bribe Level III includes big-city mayors and councilmen; state representatives, senators, governors, and key staffers. As always, tangible expressions of gratitude increase in lockstep with seniority and spending authority.

Federal officials and congressmen have risen to Bribe Level IV. There, big, big bribes can be every bit as “international” in scope as the truly huge international bribes that, for instance, give a handful of companies or countries monopolies on things like sugar and oil.

As government grows, each Bribe Level becomes more lucrative, attracting more people into what they call, with a straight face, “public service”.

The amazing thing about the Tea Party is that it’s actually “fixed” a few candidates whose pockets were so swollen with “contributions” that they could barely walk. All of us hope that will continue.

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