Dear children on my school boards, I am happy for you, pleased with you, and filled with pride at the damage you have done!
Your greatest accomplishments are well-known. The formerly Christian countries have been turned into sterile gaggles of ignorant illiterates. You have made it impossible for them to even calculate how magnificently you are driving them into bankruptcy!
Continue, without pity! Destroy all those around you! Tax the peasants to death.
Should you ever let the field beasts save money? No! One or two of you may be bright enough to notice that some of your District’s bond issues are periodically paid off. Should you use that as an excuse to reduce the taxes that your accursed neighbors must pay?
No! Grind them into the dirt! Strip them of every penny you can pry from their hopeless hands. Make them pay to build and remodel your District’s buildings, no matter how unnecessary such expenditures are! Are there fewer children than ever? No matter! Expand! Build more buildings! Remember, you do not fund mere buildings! You are constructing temples to waste and fraud! To build them, drain the pocketbooks and purses of peons and peasants.
Build more buildings! Give my precious children bigger, more lavish offices! Make them pay for more insane programs, especially if they cannot do any good! Pay no attention to the peasants’ pleas of poverty! Lie boldly! Lie to the filthy field beasts. Tell them that your wasteful projects will make things better! (For us, it will!) Ignore inconvenient facts about our failures. Pay no attention to common sense! Truth and logic are enemies. Your only mission is to fund our friends! How else can they make a living?
A letter from Satan to a school board would not be complete if I did not remind you of your duty to all my children. You must tax the helpless to provide for all my family, friends, and fans. Your job is to fund more busing, more building, more athletics, more playing fields, and bigger gyms. Waste, waste, waste whenver you can!! Waste time! Waste money! Waste is what we want! Feed my goats!
Do peasants complain? Ignore them. Do they expect you to tell the truth? Truth is a superstition.
Lie while you drive them into poverty! Be relentless. Pitiless. Heartless. Your duty is clear. Tax your neighbors to death. Drive them into extinction! How should you show me that you hate your neighbors! You must make them poorer, every year! As you do so, tell the peons that “I don’t want to raise taxes, but I have no choice!” Look sincere, and the fools will believe you, rarely realizing that you have compounded theft with lies!
Tax your neighbors to death.
Do not be brave and search for efficiency! Do not be wise, and seek to save. Be cowardly liars! Tax and spend, without end! School board members must fund waste and cause poverty, ignorance, and death. If you do that well, you may spend eternity with me.
