Praying

Catholic Fundamentalism believes that praying is best defined as a request for Programming Assistance. Programming Assistance, fittingly enough, is provided by Programming Assistants, living levels of whom were programmed by The Programmer to keep things going the right way.

We each have a personal Programming Assistant, whom those in the Iron Age called a “guardian angel”. He, in turn, can call on the Programming Assistant above him, who can do the same with his superior, all the way up to The Throne of God, Programming HQ.

Jesus Christ, the living, perfect, obedient embodiment of The Program in human form, told us how to pray: “Our Father, Who art (programs) in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done (may your operating instruction be obeyed) on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses (disobedience to operating instructions) as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

One of the distinctions between Protestant and Catholic is that Protestants tend to “go direct” to The Programmer with their prayers. Catholics often ask Programming Assistants for help. These are saints and angels who were particularly obedient to The Programmer during their time among the programmed entities. They have a lot of influence on Him. Asking Mary to ask The Programmer for help may be more likely to get a response than a request from someone who bypasses her, and “goes direct”, just as a person with a broken arm may get faster treatment by going to the emergency room rather than beating his head on the door of the hospital president’s office.

There is a good reason for this. If a person respects God, he will respect those who were especially obedient to The Unprogrammed Programmer during their time among the programmed entities. God has given them eternal access to Him as a fitting reward for their obedience to His operating instructions. As we ask, for instance, St. Anthony to help us find something, we cannot help but orient our own programming to St. Anthony’s, thereby becoming closer to The Programmer.

Each time we ask the Blessed Mother to intercede for us, we become more familiar with her great obedience and sacrifice. That becomes a part of our own programming efforts, so each prayer brings us a little closer to the obedience The Programmer Of All wants to see in us.

The most overlooked resources for Programming Assistance are to be found among the less famous saints. St. Columbian, for instance, was the Irish monk who brought Catholicism from Ireland to many parts of Europe. His profound efforts helped save hundreds of millions of souls. God loved, and loves, him a lot.

Who among us ever bothers to ask him, a greatly beloved saint, for help? We may reasonably assume that such saints, and there are thousands of them, some of whose earthly reminders may be in our own first, middle, last, or Confirmation names, might have some extra time to help us in our request for programming assistance. They may be so happy to be remembered that they will work more effectively on our behalf.

And, if a great angelic or saintly intercessor doesn’t have any extra time to help us, do you know what they have the power to do? They can make some.

Related: