Bribes and Payoffs.

Bribes have always been a part of government. Some bribes are under the table, others are highly visible. Greeks, Persians, Egyptian, Roman and Holy Roman Empires, monarchies, oligarchies, democracies, communists, capitalists, or socialists, all government decisions are always influenced by bribes. Both Herodotus and Plutarch offer endless instances of Persian gold corrupting Western democracies. Some things never change.

Catholic Fundamentalists get into the habit of studying both briber and bribee to get a fuller understanding of the world around them.

Some bribes are easy to spot. For instance, petroleum products are expensive. Yet, the number of refiners and drillers never seem to grow enough to get the prices lower. Why not? Bribes.

Most people with above average intellect think that it is environmentalists who keep refineries from being built and keep wells from being drilled. Catholic Fundamentalists understand that drillers and refiners, and their stockholders, profit from scarcity. Oil profiteers don’t want so many more wells that prices might go down.

Oil profiteers cause scarcity in petroleum products. “Enlightened stockholders” take money from the very dividends the oil companies pay to them and give some to environmentalists. The environmentalists obediently rant and rave about anything that will convince people to not drill. “Protect the elk, caribou, polar bears, walruses, seals, snowshoe rabbits, pristine wilderness! Do not drill, ride bikes.”

Even while they are complaining, rich environments own fleets of jets, SUVs, motor boats, and cathedral-sized homes that use billions of BTUs to move, heat, and cool. (Note to Catholic Fundamentalists: do not call them “hypocrites”! If you call the poor things names, they become more deeply entangled in their lies and their ravaged souls have an even harder time finding God.)

Stockholders make far more money when their paid environmentalists produce more scarcity. That increases profit margins, which increases dividends, which gives them more money to pay off more environmentalists to make them even richer.

Those who vote against drilling for environmental reasons should always be assumed to be bribed by Arabian and other drilling interests, sometimes their own.

Once we understand this simple example, Catholic Fundamentalists know who needs love the most. Others understand, and slowly go mad as they grow to see that we live in a sea of bribers bribing simultaneously.

Author's Notes:

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