Catholic Fundamentalism was viciously attacked with the following when a Protestant reader urgently informed us, in all Capital Letters:
“I READ HEBREW 6:1–6. HOW CAN YOU CATHOLICS GO ON TO MATURE UNDERSTANDING WHEN YOU CATHOLICS HAVEN’T GOTTEN THE BASICS–THE FIRST LESSONS ABOUT JESUS CHRIST RIGHT YET. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SAVED, YOU PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO THE EXAMPLE JESUS CHRIST GAVE MANKIND, AND YOU EXPECT GOD TO LET YOU IN TO UNDERSTAND DEEPER THINGS OF HIS. GET SAVED, READ ROMANS 10:9, 10 AND FOLLOW ITS INSTRUCTION, GET RE BAPTIZED IN A CHRISTIAN CHURCH BY TOTAL IMMERSION AND THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT. THEN WHEN YOU RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL MOVE YOU ON TO MORE MATURE, AND FINALLY LEAVE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ITS FALSE TEACHINGS. THEN YOU WILL TRULY EXPERIENCE GOD.”
As we see, this poor, lost soul insists that The Roman Catholic Church, founded by Jesus Christ, Himself, is Baptizing improperly and that all Catholics are following false teaching. And, he says it in all Capital Letters!
This is not uncommon, especially among the lower-end denominations with poorly educated Pastor Bobs ranting and raving.
Catholic Fundamentalism is familiar with the newest Marketing Plans developed by ambitious go-getters among their clergy. We know about Pastor Big Bob, his Protestant group #Forty four thousand and ONE!, and his Brilliant Marketing Plan behind The Church of The Perfect Baptism. All need The Church of The Perfect Baptism.
We simply compared his old-fashioned schism with Pastor Big Bob’s new Church of The Perfect Baptism and told him the simple truth. “You are wrong. It is you who “PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO THE EXAMPLE JESUS CHRIST GAVE MANKIND.”
Does your Pastor Bob Baptize at the age of 30 or over in your little schism? Jesus was Baptized at 30, so it is you who PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO THE EXAMPLE JESUS CHRIST GAVE MANKIND.
Do you Baptize in FLOWING WATER FROM THE RIVER JORDAN? No, only Pastor Big Bob does that in his newly franchised Church of The Perfect Baptism. So, it is you, our dear Protestant friend, unless you and your utterly out-of-date, low-end Pastor Bob use flowing water from The River Jordan, who PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO THE EXAMPLE JESUS CHRIST GAVE.
Do you Baptize facing upstream, downstream, and sideways, face up, face down, AND sideways? NO. Your Pastor Bob is too cheap to buy the local franchise for The Church of The Perfect Baptism. How can you and all associated avoid suffering for willfully refusing Perfect Baptism?
You do not have The Giant Baptismal Font, Baptismal Crane, and Baptismal Rotor. And you do not have the precious water shipped in from The River Jordan, therefore you PERFORM BAPTISM CONTRARY TO THE EXAMPLE JESUS CHRIST GAVE.
You need to be re-Baptized, and have it done right! The Only way to do that is get yourself to a newly franchised Church of The Perfect Baptism! Or, have your own Pastor Bob buy a local franchise, go to the Church of The Perfect Baptism Seminary, take the one month course to Ordination and get an engineering license to operate the huge pumps that keep River Jordan Water flowing between the banks of The Giant Baptismal Font.
You even learn how to operate the Baptismal Crane and Baptismal Rotor so that ALL are guaranteed to be Baptized just like Jesus!
Salvation can be yours, even if you write in CAPITAL LETTERS! You need to be in The Church of The Perfect Baptism. If your own Pastor Bob does not want to be up to date, and if you can pass our Credit Check, YOU may be ordained in The Church of The Perfect Baptism in one month.
There are still a couple of vacancies available in the August, 2016 class. Hurry, they’re going fast!
