The Only Church Jesus Founded protects Catholics from odd theological theories and those who profit from them. “The Rapture” is a perfect example of why it’s better to be Catholic than to be easily led by a vain man with a marketing plan.
The Rapture was invented by John Nelson Darby in 1830 AD. As far as Protestant marketing plans go, his was a winner! Despite being an embarrassment to the more intelligent Protestants, no one can argue with its monetary success.
What makes The Rapture successful to this day? Most of the “Evangelical Churches” are short on substance. After they announce: “We are a non-denominational family church that believes in Jesus and The Bible!”, they don’t have a lot left. That’s why Evangelicals love the Rapture! It gives each of them something to think deep thoughts about, share those deep thoughts with anyone who’ll listen, and never have to worry about being wrong.
The brilliance of The Rapture is that no one is left behind. Competing denominations develop marketing plans and form countless little groups that argue about imaginary Rapture issues. Some announce themselves to be Millennialists. Others become Pre-millennialists. Some are simply “Rapturists”. A few become Dispensationalists. Some believe the Bible tells us when Jesus will return. That gives them even more profound things to think and talk about. “I think the world will end on a Saturday. Could it be next Saturday?”
Consider some of those names: Millennialists, Pre-millennialists, Rapturists, and Dispensationalists. Does anyone know what they are? Does anyone care if they don’t? That shows the absolutely brilliant marketing plans of modern Protestants! Yak-yak-yak about absolutely nothing! Some will intone with great sincerity: “I am a Millennialist.” New variations of the marketing plans provide reasons for other deep-thinking clergypersons to announce profoundly, “I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues.”
Try to say that. It’s fun. Practice saying solemnly, “I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues.” Say it out loud to yourself. Sounds good! Put the emphasis on different words. Work the sentence into any religious conversation. Don’t stop there! Repeat it in every conversation. Ignore those people who start to back away from you! You have a mission! Change it by accenting one or more words at random. ‘I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues.”
What is a “Millennialist, anyway? No one cares! It’s a hoot! Modern Protestantism has become indistinguishable from a horde of Kardashians inventing their own religion! By the way, what religion are the Kardashians?
One almost wants to start clapping in the sheer wonder of it all as arguing Millennialists and Pre-millennialists are met with claims of moral and intellectual superiority by older Dispensationalists. They get right to the point. “No one understands Jesus and The Bible as well as we do. Give us some money.”
Some Rapture groups have actually predicted the dates on which Jesus would return. The most pitiful believers actually sold their properties and gave the money to their leaders. They donated as a “mission work”, right up to the day the world didn’t end. The leaders said it was their duty to keep the money. “It’s not my fault that Jesus never showed up.”
Catholics, give thanks! When some greedy crackpot wants to stick his hands in our pockets with some hare-brained religious theory, our priests and Bishops know enough to send ’em packing. There’s a fun reason to be Catholic.
We may be even more grateful to be Catholic when we consider the countless billions of dollars that have been lost by our Protestant neighbors to religious frauds because they lack the solid, ancient, truth-based structure that is The Only Church Jesus Founded.
