Answers to “Why aren’t you Catholic?”

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1. “I am not a Catholic because of my deep, personal relationship with Jesus.  Yesterday, Jesus and I were walking my dog, Bif, and Jesus told me what a good time He was having.”

2. “I am not Catholic because I think Jesus was wrong to say “Verily, verily I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.  I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”  If I believed that Jesus was right, I would have to leave Pastor Bob and all my friends. ”

3.  “I am not Catholic  because I have been divorced and remarried.  The Catholic Church said I needed to get an annulment!  I don’t have time!  Now, I am in a loving relationship and we  take Yoga classes and go out to dinner a lot.”

4.  “I am not Catholic because I like to have sex and am not married.  The Church says I have to control myself and exercise self-discipline.   Sex is more important to me than that.”

5.   “I am not Catholic because I don’t want to have to go to Church all the time. ”

6.   “I am not a Catholic because when Nero was the Pope, he hunted down and killed millions of helpless Christians and burned up so many Bibles that Global Warming began.”

7.  “I am not a Catholic because I do not need to confess my sins to a man, even if Jesus said so in Mt. 16: 18-20 and John 20: 21.  I prefer to ‘deal direct’ with God.”

8.  “I am not Catholic because I think Jesus was wrong to say so often “If you do not eat My Body and drink My Blood you do not have life in you.”  That is sickening.  Why would Jesus say that?   Catholics say, “Catholic priests are ordained with the authority to change bread and wine into His Body and Blood.”   Jesus didn’t have that much power!   Pastor Bob tells me that I am too smart to believe all that Catholic stuff.