Screwtape: My dearly hated Wormwood, you have been given the awesome task of destroying not only a Bishop, but his diocese, as well.
Wormwood: What, my magnificently vicious master, am I to do?
Screwtape: We have found that if we can get a powerful bishop to focus his talents on insignificant and imaginary problems, he forgets all about battling with us demons. He’s also distracted from doing as much as he could for the souls for whom he is responsible. Our goal is to get bishops to lose touch with common sense, itself.
Wormwood: I can see how that would help our side! What am I to do?
Screwtape: We have found that separating shepherds from their sheep makes it easier for the sheep to stray. So, the shepherd must not be able to deal directly with those accursed sheepdogs who protect the flocks that make up a diocese.
Wormwood: So, the sheepdogs, by which I assume you mean those disgusting priests that keep us from devouring their flocks, must no longer receive their commands from the shepherd, by whom I assume you mean those even more disgusting bishops. How am I to do this, unholy master?
Screwtape: You are to find the most clever and ruthlessly ambitious sheepdogs. Encourage them to insert themselves between the shepherd and the sheepdogs by getting them jobs directing separate groups of sheepdogs.
Wormwood: Oh, what a good idea! Then, we can get some of those who are closest to us as intermediaries between the shepherd and the sheepdogs. Then, the bishop’s directives can be questioned endlessly, analyzed forever, and less will get done! There will be more of the paralysis that we love!
Screwtape: That’s right! They will fight among themselves, fight with the bishop, and confuse the sheep. The fools won’t know whether they’re coming or going. And, you must continually fight to drain the bishops’ funds with needless expenditures.
Wormwood: I like that idea! What can I do to make them poorer?
Screwtape: Whatever you do, don’t let them cut the costs of their precious Catholic Schools. They could have children learning on home computers, and cyber-schools, for pennies on every dollar they’re wasting now. We don’t want that! We need to keep the same bureaucrats in place who are doing such a fine job bankrupting them!
Wormwood: And, if we can keep them in the schools, enlightened higher-ups can control what they read, how they learn, and be sure that none of them ever know as much as they could. And, because of their costs, they’ll gradually be unaffordable and have to be closed.
Screwtape: That’s right on both counts. We don’t want them using phonics, and we certainly don’t want them learning to work with numbers. Most of all, we don’t want them reading sound Catholic thinkers or histories. Keep ’em dumb, keep ’em down! Bankrupt ’em!
Wormwood: Will do, my master of destruction! What brilliant ideas you have had, most unholy one!
