Press releases announce that scientists have spent nearly a decade searching for the perfect diet. After years of study, they found that four Mediterranean Diets had actually evolved, one in the Eastern, Western, Northern, and Southern portions of the Sea.
After several more years of study and examination, it was found that a diet developed on Sardinia most perfectly combined the components of the regional Mediterranean Diets.
The best of four different Mediterranean Diets discovered on Sardinia was found in a tiny, unnamed town on the Southeast corner of the island. There, gardeners, farmers, and fishermen had worked together with the local doctor to develop a diet using the community’s unique ingredients and methods of preparation. This particular Sardinian Diet worked so effectively that the villagers’ average age was an astonishing 211! “We couldn’t believe what we’d found!”, exclaimed the head dietician and research team leader, Dr. Ramdano Azzir. “We actually did find the Fountain of Youth. Ponce d’ Leon’s dream had come true!”
The diets were carefully and scientifically duplicated. Laboratory animals in controlled, double-blind studies were given the same foods, carefully mixed and prepared exactly as in the small Sardinian town. An assortment of guinea pigs, lab rats, old dogs, tropical fish and insects in the laboratories have lived three and four times longer than their average life expectancies.
Just as this new, perfect Mediterranean Diet was about to be released, tragedy struck. The vital herbs that comprised the most essential portion of this amazing diet were grown in one carefully tended seaside plot where sun, moisture, and salt-spray provided the exact nutrients needed.
Late last summer, an unusually high tide, driven by some of the strongest winds ever recorded on Sardinia, washed the small plot completely away. The entire herbal crop disappeared into the sea, just two days before the scheduled harvest. Not even a root or seed was left from which replacement stock could be grown.
There were no plants left in the laboratories. “We’d fed all our older supplies to the laboratory animals because we expected fresh herbs to be flown in from Sardinia in day or two.” Dr. Azzir explained from the huge U.S. Diet Research Laboratory outside Topeka.
His anger and frustration were palpable as he continued. “Global Warming was responsible for washing away the only source of this remarkable nutrient! If we’d only brought Global Warming under control, we’d all be living a couple of centuries, at least.”
