To a growing number of people, Imaginary Problems are a necessity.

What would pseudo-intellectuals do without a steady stream of Imaginary Problems? They have to eat expensive organic food, they need to drive Volvos, and they need to live in a “green” house that costs five times more than a poor person’s modular home.

Pseudo-intellectuals are fond of vacations, because they help them “grow”, “unwind”, and “get a new perspective on vital issues”. They like large salaries, usually at taxpayer expense, coupled with generous travel allowances. They’re so fond of pensions that many professional pseudo-intellectuals get two, three, and even four from various public and semi-public agencies.

When we examine what they do to get their lucrative stipends and lush pensions, we find them involved in little, if anything, that provides any real benefit to anyone. They were involved in Global Freezing. When that petered out, they switched to Global Warming. Now, they’re comfortably ensconced in Climate Change, much relieved that they no longer have to guess which way to jump. “Finally! Job security!” they congratulate themselves.

Many pseudo-intellectuals have found lucrative employment in various food scams. “Organic” food was once thought to be good for people. “Organic” food was urged upon us all until large amounts of coliform bacteria from human fecal material was found to be common in it. They are now very concerned about “distance food” brought in from places like sunny Africa, where it’s far cheaper to grow fruits and vegetables than in American and European greenhouses. Cheese is an ongoing concern to pseudo-intellectuals in the food scams. They are genuinely puzzled as to whether or not cheese is good for them. But, they are all generally agreed that cheese does come from milk, that milk does come from cows, and the methane that cows emit is, or “may well be” connected to a worrisome atmospheric methane level of 1.7 parts per million. (In money terms, that’s one hundred and seventy pennies out of $1,000,000.00, the sort of fractions that are of great concern to pseudo-intellectuals. “We really don’t know how dangerous that is, do we?”, they are ever fond of asking. One may reasonably conclude there is a basic law of Catholic Fundamentalsm at work: The smaller the fraction thought to be important, the more pseudo the intellect.)

Both sides of the obesity coin are a perennial source of funding for pseudo-intellectuals. Everyone is either too fat or too thin. Therefore, “virtually everyone” is in great need of “additional studies that have to be made” to “help make our diets better” and “improve our lives.” There is widespread agreement among pseudo-intellectuals in food-related occupations that few, if any, “really are smart enough” to be able to decide what they should eat. Ways to get a little “central control” over what people are eating is a popular subject at gatherings of pseudo-intellectuals in the world of food-control. They universally believe that some “top-down management” is in order, not only to be sure that “healthful foods” are available, but also, eaten and “eaten properly”.

Educational institutions attracts pseudo-intellectuals as cow pies do flies. They enjoy buzzing around in places where no one knows what anyone does, and few people, outside the janitorial and secretarial staffs, do anything. No standards for them. Doing what they want, mostly being pretentious, is “how we serve best”.

As soon as someone gets an advanced degree unaccompanied by the skills to actually do anything, they feel that they are “owed” a job in their field. Politicians are willing to comply. Increased funding is always available for worthy causes. What cause is more worthy than finding pseudo-intellectuals the kind of jobs and salaries they need?

One interesting behavior pattern common among the growing number of pseudo-intellectuals is that those in one field support those in other fields. Pseudo-intellectuals in environmentalism, diet, education, medicine and all the others will defend each other against anyone who tells the truth about the uselessness of any part of the pseudo-intellectual world.

If they do not, pseudo-intellectuals consider them “enemies”, and turn on them with the viciousness that lurks just beneath each leftist’s very, very thin skin.