Invent your own schism! Part 19

This is a special Schism Seminary Catalogue Update just for you, our Multi-millionaire Mega-churchmen!

Schism Seminary has nearly finished our large study on Marketing “How to Profit from Pride and Guilt”. We began by defining where, on an IQ bell curve, the average person in a Mega-church was.

How smart is the average person who goes to a Mega-Church? Our exhaustive IQ studies began with The Basic Barometric IQ Test. We found that the average Intelligence Quotient of a Mega-church member was almost a hundred and five. Your Mega-church members are very slightly above average on The Basic Barometric IQ Test.

Then, we checked to see how they scored on The I Am A Good Person Analysis. That’s the famous University of San Francisco Pride Test that tells how good a person feels him or herself to be.

On a score of 1 to 200, the average Mega-church member had a score of 192 on The I Am A Good Person Analysis. And, that’s just the average score! Many scored an astonishing 200 points!

Incredible! Their degree of self-delusion was almost off the charts! For most, there was virtually no awareness of personal sin, error, or wrong-doing. The concept of Original Sin was utterly missing from every Mega-church member. There was, instead, a feeling that as long as they could continue to feel “I am a good person”, God would love them in this life and the next.

When we saw that amazing result, we retested Mega-church members. We found a tremendous correlation between a high I Am A Good Person Score and the Pennsylvania Lottery Personality Test that measured how likely the average Lottery participant felt themselves to be to draw a winning Lottery ticket. Those who most fully believed “I am a good person” spent the most on Lottery tickets! Will that same personality trait cause greater donations to your Mega-church?

Schism Seminary has studied, quantified, and analyzed the profit ramifications of these studies. We have the answers to the questions you Multi-millionaire Mega-churchmen are asking. For instance:

1. Who tithes more, a person who feels good about themselves or one who feels guilty?

2. How much sermon-time should be spent on encouraging pride? How much on guilt?

3. Smarter people generally have higher incomes. Do you want to attract more intelligent or less intelligent people to your Mega-church?

4. What is the “Perfect Fit” between intelligence and income for your Mega-church?

If you know the right answers to these questions, and put them into practice, your income will go up! We have case studies to prove it! Increase income by enrolling your Mega-church in our new program, “How to Profit from Pride and Guilt”.

Author's Notes:

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