Letter #2 from a Protestant minister:

Many people ask, “Pastor Pitstop, why do Protestants send missionaries to Catholic nations?  Do we Protestants think that Catholic nations are less than Christian?”  I  thought that I, Pastor Pitstop, should explain why it’s all right for us Protestant groups to undermine the Catholic Church, even though it is the only Church actually founded when Jesus said to the first Pope, “Thou art Peter, and on this rock, I build My Church.”

He has kindly copied us on a letter to his congregation.

Dear Congregation:

One person, of the several dozen people in our congregation, asked, “Pastor Pitstop, why are we sending missionaries who believe in abortion and birth control to Guatemala?  There, The Catholic Church has kept abortion from being legalized.  Our denomination says abortion is “acceptable”.  Aren’t our missionaries just confusing people, and letting abortion gain a foothold?  Is that doing good?  Isn’t that wrong of us?”

Of course it is not wrong of us!  We have a duty to spread the Gospel.  More than that, we have a duty to spread version of the gospel.  There are over 35,000 Protestant denominations and groups.  We have just as much right as any of the others to spread Our Version of Christianity!  That’s one reason we send out missionaries. 

And, this idea that missionaries are supposed to do “good”!  Where did that come from?  Lots of them don’t do anything at all.  Where a dollar is a day’s salary, they can live like kings, even on the pitiful amount we send them.  Beachfront houses, servants, cooks.  Doesn’t have to be a bad life.

job!  We can’t have that!  It would destabilize and fragment our church.  That wouldn’t be right.

So, we send them to Catholic countries.  We’d rather that they destabilize and fragment The Catholic Church than put us established ministers out of work!

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Lots of those Catholic countries are run by tyrants.  Their governments are sick and tired of a lot of pesky priests and bishops whining about health care, education, and minimum wages from the huge fruit, mining, and energy companies.  They pay us Protestants plenty, up at the top levels, to send missionaries down there to splinter The Catholic Church.  Don’t tell anyone, but donations from dictators, ‘Tithin’ Tyrants’, we call ’em, are what keep a lot of us going.

What message do our missionaries spread?  None, really.  Just the usual broken record about “Do you know the Lord?  Do you know the Lord?”  They never seem to get sick of that.  Oh, and the older missionaries go on and on, endlessly repeating, more and more loudly, “Jesus Christ, and Him crucified!”  Really, no one can tell if the process is more boring or more useless.

But, you know what our budget looks like!  You know how many churches we’re losing every year!  Keep praying for more missionaries!

Yours in mutual need,

Pastor Travis Pitstop.