New Protestant Denominations are multiplying! Here’s what’s happening!
Pastor Sid Scamster had been in the old ‘Church Of God’. It got donors by endlessly repeating, “The phrase, ‘Church of God’, appears in The Bible a dozen times! Therefore, it is the best of the 45,000 Protestant Denominations!”
Pastor Scamster wanted to make more money. He realized, as had 45,000 men before him, “I need to invent my own denomination! That’s where the big money is!”
He realized: “If people choose to be in the ‘Church of God’ because that phrase is mentioned twelve times in The Bible, they will love being in my ‘Church And!’ Why? Because the word ‘and’ is mentioned over twenty eight thousand times in The Bible.”
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He hired a couple of men who once worked for Little Fred and the old Global Protestant Marketing Plans Corp. They developed a Marketing Plan. “Smarter people must divide the 28,000 times that “and” was mentioned in The Bible by the 12 times ‘Church of God’ is mentioned.
They had to conclude: “‘Church And!’ must be 2,300 times more credible than the old ‘Church of God’.” No Protestant could argue with arithmetic! Smarter people in the old ‘Church of God’ realized: “I am 2,300 times more likely to get to Heaven if I’m in Pastor Sid Scamster’s new ‘Church, And!'”!
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Pastor Sid Scamster sold thousands of franchises to his ‘Church, And!’ at his Sales Symposiums.
+ The Multiplier +
Youth Minister Rob Ripoffer was not a happy man. “I’m sick of living on a Youth Minister’s salary! I’m stuck in a dead-end job!”
So, Youth Minister Ripoffer attended one of the Sales Symposiums for ‘Church, And!’ An idea popped into his mind. It was the same thought that John Calvin had when he realized how much money Martin Luther was making from his Protestant denomination!
“I can invent my own denomination!”
He did a quick search on his computer to find if there were other commonly used words in The Bible. This is what he found:
“There are 783,137 words in the King James Version of The Bible. The most common words are “and” with 28,364 appearances “the” with 28,269 appearances, “of” comes in with 21,257, “that” has 12,044, and “to” has 11,683. Together, the top 5 most common words make up 12.97% percent of the words in the Bible.”
Youth Minister Rob Ripoffer was smarter than Reverend Scammer. He realized: “If I can combine those five words into one Church name, I can make millions from gullible Protestants!”
He named his brand new denomination: “The Church of That, And To!” Not one Protestant on earth could argue with his arithmetic:
“Bible Words in our church name are mentioned in The Bible 101,617 times! We are 8,468 times holier than the old, boring ‘Church of God’. And, we are 3.62 times holier than Reverend Sid Scamster’s ‘Church, And!’!”
+ Boring Catholics +
Some Catholics were asked if they would like to be in ‘The Church of That, And To!’ They replied: “No. I want to get to Heaven. I must be among those of whom Jesus said: ‘You are My friends if you obey My commands.’”
Catholics respected Jesus enough to be in The Only Church He Spoke Into Being with His Holy Word:
“And I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”
Catholics knew that Jesus did not give “the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven” to Martin Luther, John Calvin, Pastor Sid Scamster, Reverend Rob Ripoffer, or any of the 45,000 Profiteers of Protestantism.
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More on the recent History of Protestantism is free: http://catholicfundamentalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Little-Fred.pdf
