One way Protestants save souls

One type of Protestant is reasonably content. “I am happy in my church with my family and my friends. Isn’t that enough?”

Other Protestants are very likely to respond, “No! That is not enough!” That pronouncement is quickly followed by some variant of: “If you want to be saved you must be in our church.”

Those who make the mistake of listening politely quickly hears new truths: “Our church is the only church on earth that Jesus truly loves! It was revealed to our founder, that, to be saved, we must be Baptized by total immersion, face down, on an even-numbered Monday because our personal resurrection must follow the day of Jesus’ Resurrection.

“Our Founder has had other soul-saving Revelations from God. Our Founder was taught that God made the human body so that it could eat or drink. That means we are to either chew, or to swallow, but not both. We do not eat jelly, jam, jello, custard, pudding, or any other foods that are between solid and liquid. Ours is the only faith that truly follows God’s Miraculous Design of the human body. We either eat or we drink. We honor God’s design, we do not compromise it!”

A Catholic, even one only dimly aware of an unchanging faith reaching back two thousand years, tends to respond, “My, isn’t that interesting?” and start to sidle toward the nearest exit.

Another Protestant may respond. “That is ridiculous! There is nothing wrong with jam, jelly, jello, and pudding. What is to be avoided is anything red in it. We cannot partake of anything that looks like Blood. No Cherry Kool-Aid, Merlot, Burgandy, beets, or any red wines. No cherry pie!

“A few decades ago, our earlier founders believed we should not eat anything that contains blood. Today, we have risen above that! Our own Pastor Bob, who used to be an assistant minister in that group, realized its spiritual flaw. God said to him, ‘Bob, I don’t even want people to eat or drink anything that even looks like blood!’ We are far holier than our blood-avoiding Protestant predecessors because we eat nothing that is the color of blood. Many donors are leaving the old church for the fullness of faith that only we possess.”

Then, a Protestant from one of the newer Veggie-Christian groups, may respond “All plants are good, except for the ones that are actually poisonouts like toadstools. There is nothing wrong with eating red plants, like raspberries, strawberries, and blood-red beets. Our founder is smarter than your founder because he has his own Cooking Show on TV. He says we can eat beets and cherry pie because color is not enough not make food unclean.”

Many grow uncomfortable with the unavoidable chaos and confusion that must be among those whose only guidelines are as vague as “I believe in Jesus and The Bible.”

The confusion and contradictions, along with the countless outstretched palms, help guide many to The Only Church Jesus Founded. One way Protestants save souls is with clouds of contradicting confusions that are inevitable among those who worship a personification of their own vanity.

We, who have been driven to the sanctuary of The Church by the confusion that reigns among the 43,000 schisms, are grateful for having been provided some knowledge of Christ on which we could build by those who have strayed from The Only Church He Founded. As we realize that our primary responsibility is to save our own soul, we may be blessed with the courage to move up.

So, those who are blessed do move up, obeying Jesus’ Great Winnowing Command: “If you do not eat My Body and drink My Blood you do not have life in you.” and finding the only life-giving food He promised in the only Sanctuary those words of His may be obeyed.