Many Protestants respect the ancient traditions of The Christian Faith. Belief in The Holy Trinity and Baptism provides some respectability.
Many, like Catholics, baptize by pouring a small amount of water on the head, while saying “I Baptize you in The Name of The Father and of The Son and of The Holy Spirit.” Thus, Original Sin is washed away.
Other denominations have veered into denser woods, and further replace theology with marketing. We see an indication of how religious they actually are by examining their thoughts on Baptism. Those who lack the faith to believe that God has the power to wash away sins with a mere teaspoon of water make a very big deal out of over-analyzing. Often a new denomination can be found to be necessary. “Nothing is more important than proper Baptism.” many ambitious Pastor Bobs announce.
“Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist in The River Jordan. If we cannot Baptize in The River Jordan, we will follow that example and Baptize only in local rivers. That’s what makes us what we are: Running Water Full Immersion Baptists.”
That thinking replaces, and makes impossible, any deeper theology while providing their Pastor Bobs with the opportunity to announce, “We believe in Jesus and The Bible and we prove it by only baptizing as Jesus was Baptized, in running water.” Simpler congregants can be encouraged to memorize and repeat that. Where do their new members come from? Those who take them seriously are invited to join, providing a an obedient group happy with simple answers on all subjects.
Others are thought to be less faithful by the Running Water Baptists, but still defend their beliefs. “We Full Immersion Baptists don’t care what those Running Water Baptists think of us. Sometimes, people in poor health have to have emergency baptisms when the rivers are frozen. We care about them!”
As their name implies, Full Immersion Baptists use small pools in which their Pastor Bob can fully dunk the person being Baptized.
Inventors of new denominations ask “Is that enough?” While all Full Immersion Baptists know that God is too limited in power to provide cleansing by a few sprinkles or teaspoons of water, many modern Pastor Bobs realize that even Full Immersion may not be enough to provide the necessary cleansing.
“When we take a shower, we turn around beneath the showerhead so that our whole body is clean.” After reaching that conclusion, applying that knowledge to Baptism and proclaiming it to be “The Voice of God”, the Full Immersion Roto-Baptists gently bind the person to be baptized on a long pole with soft winding cloths. Then, they lower the person to be baptized into the Baptismal Pool, and rotate the body three times while it is fully immersed. “Ours is the most cleansing of Baptisms.”, the Full Immersion Roto-Baptists proudly announce.
Even now, adventurous and ambitious Pastor Bobs explore other improvements to the most Basic of Sacraments. “We may need to bless the inside of the person, as well. We are praying for a Word of Knowledge on the best way to do that.”
Motivating their desires? The ambitious Pastor Bob who is able to combine the Full Immersion Baptists with their competitors, the Running Water Baptists, is going to make a small fortune. It is one that will be easily magnified by the establishment of global franchise outlets following a denominational “roll-up”. The prospects for such a new brand of Prosperity Protestant denomination are already garnering financing possibilities from multi-millionaire “angel” investors who have learned to profit from similar endeavors in the last 500 years since the dragon came up from the abyss and fragmented The Thousand Year Reign of The Catholic Church over The Kingdom of God on earth.
