Shopping at The Schism Mall.
My old church was too rigid. It was standing in my way.
It had rules for everything. It told us how to pray.
I sought for deep fulfillment, wanted to be “Me!”
And Pastor Bob, he’s on TV, he told me to be “Free!”
When Pastor Bob’s show ended, another came up on the screen
And told me all about their church, “The best you’ve ever seen!”
Then another TV preacher told about his one, true way
“God wants us standing on our heads, every time we pray.”
I tried, but lost my balance, and fell over on the floor.
So I tried another church, and then tried more and more.
“There’s sure a lot of churches!”, I finally realized.
“I’ve got to find the best one so my soul won’t get fried!”
I went off to The Schism Mall, where each group had a store.
“That is where I’ll find the truth and I’ll shop until I score!”
The parking lot was crowded. Many folks had come to find
Truth and justice, lots of love, and mostly, peace of mind.
The halls were packed with people strolling past the stores
Where every charismatic group would always promise “More!”
Some specialized in music, for older folks and teens.
A few were worried ’bout the earth and painted their doors green.
Each pledged that happiness and joy abounded in their store,
And as I wandered down the halls, each one promised “More!”
Many folks were cheerful. A few were looking sad.
Some said, confidentially, “Sin’s really not that bad.”
One section, labeled “Sportings Good”, said “Golf is so sublime.”
Those in the nearby Cooking Group cried: “Diets are divine!”
Forty thousand separate groups all said they were “God’s best!”.
“It doesn’t matter what you did, we’ll get you past His test!”
“We can get you into Heaven!” said many men with zest.
“Of all the faiths there ever were, I know my church is the best!”
My mind was quickly reeling. Promises from the elect
Had made it plain impossible for me to best select
The finest of the churches that claimed to preach the word.
Each was guaranteed to be the best of that vast herd.
“There’s 40,000 schisms, and more new ones, every day.
You’re sure to find one that you like, stand on your head and pray.
But stay away from that old church, about which Christ didn’t say
“Thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church. .” From that Church, stay away!
