A new, big-time Pastor Bob was in a lunch meeting in our town’s main restaurant with a dozen local ministers. He spoke with such loud, self assurance that every one in the restaurant could hear him: “Your little churches are dying on the vine!”
“You guys just don’t get it! Your little churches are dying! You can barely pay your heating bills! You don’t even have full time secretaries! You have kids with college tuition ! Your little churches are dying on the vine.”
“Well, it’s not that bad.”, my former Pastor said. “It’s true, we do have some problems. . .”
He was interrupted before he could finish the sentence: “Some of you guys are even closing your Sunday Schools or combining classes because you don’t have any young people in your churches!”
The new, Big Time Pastor Bob looked up and down the table. No one was arguing with him.
“You’re dying!”, he said. “Your little churches are dying on the vine!”, he said, again, and no one argued.
“What can we do about it?”, said one of our local Pastor Bobs. “I mean, everything is falling apart. The town’s three factories have closed or moved away. There’s no money. And, we have a lot of new immigrant families straining our social services. I have people who think they are attending church if they watch some TV evangelist.”
A murmur of assent went around the table. Then, the answer.
“I will buy your churches! Lock, stock, and barrel. I will turn them into immigrant housing and the government will pay their rent. Then, I will build one, large, efficient mega-Church. Maybe, two. I will consolidate your congregations. I’ll put you all on the payroll, with your pay relative to what your last year’s income was.”
“But, you’ll make all the money.”, objected one of our local Pastor Bobs.
“Damn right I will! But, what else can you do? We’ve seen many of your financial statements, and don’t ask me how we got them. Half of you won’t be here at all in two years. Your little churches are dying on the vine!”
I suddenly realized who was addressing our local ministers. It was The Big Pastor Bob, Himself! It was Pastor Bob #44,001! In our town! What a history making moment! Was he going to save local Protestant churches by bringing in hundreds of rapidly growing, polygamous, Christian-hating, immigrant families from the Middle East? Would they end up destroying Christians and Christianity in this area?
The local Pastor Bobs didn’t mention those concerns. Their questions centered on “Well, how much, exactly, would we be getting paid every year?”; “How long will our employment contracts run?”; “Do we get health insurance?” Those were the concerns of our Pastor Bobs.
