Alarmists used to be interesting. They worried about problems in the air, on land, and in the sea.
In the sky, ozone holes were once “vitally important”. Acid rain was an even bigger concern. Various kinds of airborne pollutants had brief periods of popularity. Those alarms were replaced by frequent, even hysterical, rants about our need for more windmills. Radio waves, cell phone towers, and cell phones themselves, were blamed for many problems, including giant tumors alleged to grow within the brains of cell phone users, particularly the defenseless children whose well-being provided endless excuses for worry, unless they were about to be aborted, at which point concerns about their health and welfare strangely disappeared.
On the ground, pseudo-intellectual alarmists used to rant about the evils of driving and the joys of hiking, biking, and public transportation. There was endless worry about Global Freezing/Warming. The lack of respect for birds, except the ones that were killed by windmills, inspired countless letters to editors. Hunters were criticized, as was the fearsome “childhood obesity epidemic.” Polar bears were a constant source of worry. The seals on which the polar bears fed? They were of no concern at all, unless their skins were sold to provide warm clothing for human beings. “Vital watersheds” caused hand wringing, as did the “vital habitats” within sight of them.
Beneath the earth, there was much worry about “precious groundwater”. Septic tanks were a concern, even those that had worked effectively for nearly a century. Coal mining was an endless environmental dilemma, as were the earthquakes it was conjectured to cause.
Now, Alarmists are Getting Boring
Now, that rich variety of concerns and complaints are gone. Increasingly bitter, angry, pseudo-intellectual alarmists are only focusing on one thing, fracking. They castigate it endlessly. Their complaints have grown monotonous. Alarmists are looking obvious, even desperate. Now, they’re getting boring. Boring alarmists are less interesting than zombies.
This alarm is respectfully suggested: “When deep natural gas is pumped out by evil gas fracking companies, a huge vacuum is left. Molten rock will be drawn into the layers once filled by gas. The magma will explode the remaining gas. All of Pennsylvania will be blown straight up, like a tin can over a fire cracker. While it is blasted into sub-orbital flight and falling back, the earth will rotate eastwards under it. Much of Pennsylvania will come crashing down on top of Ohio. Things will be really bad.”
