Each one of the 30,000 Protestant denominations may be represented by a ladder that reaches to Heaven. The ladders are in a popular place that’s been frequented by a hundred generations of tourists. They love it there so much that many never leave The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven.
Billions of wandering people have made surprisingly few trails through The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. Some of the paths are overgrown. Many of the older ladders have broken. No one fixes them. “I’d rather make a new ladder.” say those in the huge ladder industry. “It’s easier than trying to repair an old one.”
Some ladders lean one way. Some lean another. A few, mysteriously, are horizontal. Many that stretch upward, on closer inspection, are found to be more easily descended than ascended. Some of the ladders are leaned against other ladders. Other ladders extend outward from larger ladders. Others have complicated reinforcing structures that include props, scaffolds, and cables. Others are sunk into what seems to be concrete.
A few offer entry into the new, and very popular, Elevators of Salvation. They reduce the effort necessary. “You get in, push a button, and you are in Heaven. It’s automatic!”, those who make suitable “investments in eternity” are promised.
Regardless of how they work, each promised access to Heaven has its own, specialized ladder industry employees. All are trained to successfully urge passersby: “Try this ladder right here! It goes straight to Heaven!”
A great deal of money changes hands in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. Only after a lot of looking around in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven does one realize how very, very often the same people went up and down different ladders. Many, on the other hand, enjoyed going up and down the same ladder. “I’ve always like this ladder. My father liked it, too.”
Others prefer going from ladder to ladder, especially on the fringes of The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. “I like to learn about the ladders.” they enjoy saying to whomever will listen, looking up from their notes through stylish glasses.
Experienced travelers in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven are frequently asked: “What’s your favorite ladder?” Everyone in the woods loves to talk about their favorite ladder experiences. Many have stories of ladders that had failed to get them very far off the ground. Everyone loves the many, many stories about Ladder Industry people whose ladders had collapsed. And, there is always interesting gossip about the lives of the many, many ladder builders.
Kiosks provide information in books and on tapes and discs about the various ladders. They are scattered among resting and dining places in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven.
Some of the ladders are old and in obvious disrepair. Many seem unsafe. “Why isn’t there some sort of government agency to help us find which ladder best gets to Heaven? Doesn’t our government care?” ask many innocent souls trying to find their way through The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven.
At any given time, over a billion people are wandering around in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. It is on a large, Florida-like peninsula and is marked “Protestant” on the map.
From a high enough place, we may see that other peninsular land masses are frequented by Mohammedans, Buddhists, Hindus, and others. Those areas have different ladders. Many are oddly shaped. Some are topped by large, downward-facing mirrors. But, nowhere on the face of the earth are there as many ladders as in the Protestant area dominated by The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven.
Protestants are aware of the huge number of ladders their ladder makers have made. They are very proud to be part of the ancient and ongoing process. “Look at all those ladders!”, they say, beaming with pride at The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven.
Once in a while, a Catholic will stray from his or her very straight, narrow, upward path that leads from each of them to a place beyond. They sometimes wander into The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. At first, they look with amazement at all the ladders in The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. At first, they wonder “Do any of those ladders get anywhere?” Then, some might try out a ladder or so. A few try their hand at building their own ladder. Some become so entranced with the process they never leave The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven. Never.
Those who tour The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven often ask: “Is this the ladder for me?” They are always told, “Yes. It will get you to Heaven.”
Few who travel through The Forest of the 30,000 Ladders to Heaven realize how very, very often people hear the words, “This ladder will take you straight to Heaven. I guarantee it.”
