For many, many years Catholic Fundamentalism has responded to critics of The Only Church Jesus Founded. In replying to countless thousands of anti-Catholics, we have found a wonderful example of Protestantism’s analytical abilities.
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Catholic Fundamentalism provided this utterly ridiculous response to one of usual Protestant attacks on the imaginary “wealth” of The Catholic Church.
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“Many anti-Catholics do NOT realize HOW WEALTHY The Catholic Church is!
Simple people think the Vatican is made out of stone. It is NOT. All the stone walls and columns of The Vatican are made out of solid gold! They are only painted to look like stone. The mortar that holds them together is melted platinum.
Inside each solid gold stone there are four gallons of diamonds, glittering in the darkness.
When a Catholic is Baptized, each one is granted the title to a piece of gold bigger than a loaf of bread! And, each Catholic is given absentee ownership of a cup filled with diamonds. On top of that, every Catholic priest gets two hundred pounds of platinum when they are ordained! Every Catholic’s wealth is protected by heavily armed Swiss Guards!
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The Church keeps people from knowing that every Catholic parish has its own Branch of The Vatican Bank in its basement! Each one is operated by one of 300,000 Jesuit priests! They pretend to be janitors. Each of them has a Masters Degree in International Finance and an emerald as big as an egg!
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Each Catholic is able to borrow against, or make investments with, his or her own huge lump of gold.
That is where Catholics get the money to live in huge mansions built beneath the cellars of their modest homes. Most Catholics have elevators to get to their underground swimming pools, gardens, and servants’ quarters!
Every Catholic in the world is a multi-millionaire! The more children they have, the richer they are! That’s the real reason Catholics prohibit abortion and artificial birth control!”
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Catholics readers of Catholic Fundamentalism were stunned! Many Protestants believed that lunacy! Some Protestants replied:
“I always knew The Catholic Church was rich!”
“The Catholic Church has been piling up all that gold for two thousand years!”
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Those same analytical skills have led them to disobey Jesus and His Only Church-Founding Decree:
“And I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”
