Brighter Protestants wish Jesus hadn’t said: “Verily, verily I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”
They insist: “Jesus was wrong to say ‘. . . thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church.’! He should have said “Church are all approved by Jesus! You have to believe that! How can we make a living?”
So, Protestants invented the bizarre “Rock Dialogues”: “Jesus didn’t know how to speak clearly. Peter is not the rock. All who believe are the rock! In the rock! Near the rock! On the rock! Jesus is the rock! I am the rock! You’re the rock! Believing is the rock! All who have faith are the Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock around the clock!”
When asked, “Isn’t it obvious that Jesus founded One Church and put Peter and his successors in charge of The Only Church He Founded?”, they cover their ears and plaintively proclaim: “No! No! He didn’t just mean Peter! He meant me, too!:
They rant on: “I’m just as good as Peter! Once, Peter disagreed with Jesus! And, Peter denied Him three times! I never deny Jesus, except when He put Peter in charge of The Only Church He Founded! Since I only deny Jesus once, I’m actually better than Peter. That’s why Jesus put me in charge of our church!”
Still, smarter people realize: “Jesus was very specific when saying ‘. . . thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church.’ He didn’t mention anyone else. He only founded One Church with one man in charge. And, Jesus did give Peter ‘the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven’.”
Marketing Plan inventors reply: “I have the keys to Heaven, too! I do! I do! Jesus gave them to me, but He forgot to say so! We must go beyond His Words to my higher truth! Don’t think or talk about Jesus saying Peter is the ‘rock’ with ‘the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven’! If you don’t shut your mouths and just give me some money, I’ll start quoting more ‘Rock Dialogues’!”
That’s usually enough to keep us quiet!
