Category: IQ Test

Start your own schism! Part 13

Some of the most important studies at Schism Seminary are in our Easy Mission Program. Schism Seminary students learn the most valuable lesson of all: No one in their right mind does missionary work in some wretched, third world country! Such places are hot, dry, wet, cold, and diseased. Worse yet, the natives don’t have […]

Replace mediocre teachers and classes for free? Yes.

Americans have been impoverished by the endless increases in property taxes that support Public Education. While spending has gone up, ever-lower math and reading skills have made more children unable to do well. Babylon’s educational system fights change, improvement, and competition. The vast leviathan has undermined and eliminated many Catholic schools. Now, the charter schools […]

Invent your own schism! Part 12

Dr. Danny Dorkerdump is a bright light in The Schism Seminary Department of Theological Marketing. At our recent Seminar for Mega-church Ministers, Dr. Dorkerdump addressed several hundred of the world’s most important, and most successful, owners and operators of their own, personal schisms and mega-churches. It was impressive. Nearby airports were thronged with the Personal […]

Invent your own schism! Part 11

Weekly faculty meetings at Schism Seminary give our learned scholars an opportunity to share the results of their important research. Dr. Brad Blimpton recently acquainted us with his theory about attracting people from other schisms: There are a lot of Methodists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, and Baptists. Millions of them! At any given time, most of them […]

Invent your own schism! Part 5

You have your schism up and running! You’ve built a huge, new building, and the money is rolling in! You’ve set up a couple of overseas “Mission Outposts” for your church and have discovered that not one Customs Inspector has ever checked to see what you are bringing in or out of the country in […]

Invent your own schism! Part 4

When you decided to invent your own schism, you moved right to the head of the line! Obviously, you are very smart. And, you want to get ahead. While Catholics and stick-in-the-mud older Protestants might think that you are motivated by pride and greed, we know better. You want to serve. You want to serve […]

Invent your own schism! Part II

A truly successful schism is like McDonald’s. It has lots of franchises. The old-line Protestant churches are perfect examples. They follow much the same pattern. 1. The successful schismatic marketing plan must have enough in common with The Bible that it can claim to be “Christian”. But, don’t be too Christian. Luther, Calvin, Knox, Joseph […]

Who doesn’t get to Heaven? The millstoned.

The entire Bible leads up to the last lines written by St. John in The Book of Revelation 22:15, right before The Epilogue. “These others must stay outside: dogs, fortune-tellers, and fornicators, and murderers, and idolaters, and everyone of false speech and false life.” St. John makes it clear that not everyone will get into […]

Social services have become tools of evil.

When The Church was in charge of education, Europe was a safe, stable place. Societies were simple. Governments were usually organized around a monarch. The monarch’s main job was defending the realm. Social services were handled efficiently by The Church. The poor were fed, the sick given medical care, and children educated by various groups […]

All else pales before the risk of having ours soul tortured by demons forever.

All else pales before the risk of having ours soul tortured by demons forever. Prophets predicted, over 300 times, specific things about Jesus. The predictions were made hundreds and thousands of years before He came. The miraculously accurate predictions, most so bizarre as to be beyond any conceivable coincidence, cause many to take Him seriously […]