Do “Metaphor People” go to “Metaphor Heaven”?

Metaphor People will take some Bible passages literally.  When Bible passages question cherished Metaphor People beliefs, they magically transform those Bible passages into “metaphors”.

For instance:  Many who are in schism from The Roman Catholic Church, find Christ’s clear, direct sentence,  “Thou art Peter, and on this rock, I build My Church.” to be inconvenient.   They are asked, “How can you justify being in a church that’s not headed by the first Pope or his legitimate successor?”

The questioner may continue, “You can read the actual words of Jesus Christ, God, Himself.  He did say to the first Pope:  ‘Thou art Peter, and on this rock, I build My Church.’  How can you say you believe in Jesus Christ and then ignore what He says about building One Church on one man?”

At this point, the Metaphor People will pompously, or condescendingly, depending on the questioner’s status, announce:  “That passage, ‘Thou art Peter, and on this rock, I build My Church.’ is a metaphor.  It doesn’t mean that Christ built His Church on Peter.  It means something completely different.”

The intelligent questioner will understand that the Metaphor Person wants to avoid reality.  Metaphor People know that the literal, direct meaning of the “Thou art Peter, and on this rock, I build My Church.”  brings into doubt the validity of cash flows supporting schisms which are, if the passage is taken literally, not as fully obedient to Christ as to the desire to maintain their cash flows.

An impolite questioner may ruthlessly continue:  “Well, then, why didn’t Jesus say it was a metaphor, the way He said some of His other teachings were ‘parables’?  Didn’t He want people to understand His clear, direct statement?  Jesus knew there would be Arians, Orthodox, Lutherans, Methodists, and 30,000 other schisms.  Why didn’t He say that “Thou art everyman, and on all these rocks, I build lots of My Churches.”?

At this point, the schismatic usually changes the subject.  Some of them will quote endlessly from other passages, hoping the conversation will end without the questioner continuing to label him or her as a mere “Metaphor Person.”  Others will be reduced to insults and name-calling.

Passage-spouting, subject-changing,and insults may be stopped by asking:  “Is it true that those who distort Biblical passages that make them uncomfortable are called “Metaphor People”?  When they die, do “Metaphor People” go to “Metaphor Heaven”?  Will you have to spend eternity listening to Martin Luther, John Calvin, Joseph Smith, John Wesley, and Mary Baker Eddy reading from their endless books?  For thousands of years.  Non-stop.   Do you look forward to that?”

Do “Metaphor People” go to “Metaphor Heaven”?  “Metaphor Heaven” makes as much sense as any of their theories on why Jesus’ clear words should be twisted and turned to maintain their particular schism’s cash flows.  And, it may make more.