Invent your own schism! Part 17

When you are busy turning your tiny schism into a Mega-Church, you don’t have time for a lot of details.

And, some of those pesky details cause big trouble with a brilliant visionary who’s building a big, new Mega-Church! We have found, over the many, many years we’ve been helping people start their own schisms that many people overlook some important physical considerations. Their heads are so far in the clouds they may not take into consideration mundane things like Real Estate.

That’s why Schism Seminary has its own Real Estate Department.

No matter where you are in the Build Your Own Million Dollar Schism process, Schism Seminary can help. Consider what we did with Pastor Bob:

When Pastor Bob was starting out, he was at Stage I, The Simple Meeting Room Stage. He called Schism Seminary’s Real Estate Department. Skilled professionals analyzed zip codes for the ethnic groups Pastor Bob was approaching. They checked the square footage requirements and found available properties. They also checked local Occupancy and Fire Code requirements. Didn’t think of that, did you? Well, we have seen enough of our visionary graduates suddenly finding themselves facing big fines and closures for code violations. We make sure that doesn’t happen to those who have the foresight to use our services.

And, we have contacts with major strip-mall owners to find that ideal “Simple Meeting Room” in a high-traffic area. We can make Stage I actually fun! And, profitable!

While other schism beginners were finding themselves running afoul of various building inspectors and code enforcers, Pastor Bob could focus on getting and retaining donors. “Our church is growing because we render onto Caesar that which is Caesar’s. Other churches aren’t so obedient, and they are in trouble!” Soon, Pastor Bob could move to Stage II, buying an older, free-standing church from some dying denomination.

At every step on the way, we helped Pastor Bob negotiate better insurance rates, utility discounts, and building inspections. Once or twice, we even slipped a hundred dollar bill to an overly rigid kitchen inspector! We don’t tell our consulting Pastors about such things, we just quietly do what’s necessary!

When Pastor Bob moves to Stage III, a huge, new, suburban building with a dozen acres of asphalted parking lots, Schism Seminary’s Real Estate Department will be working alongside him, “laboring in the vineyard”.

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