It’s fun to be Catholic! The Only Church Jesus Founded protects Catholics from odd theological theories and those who profit from them. “The Rapture” is a perfect example of why it’s better to be Catholic than to be easily led by a vain man with a marketing plan.
The Rapture was invented by John Nelson Darby in 1830 AD. As far as Protestant marketing plans go, his was a winner! Despite being an embarrassment to the more intelligent Protestants, no one can argue with its monetary success.
What makes The Rapture successful to this day? Modern denominations are short on substance. After they announce: “We are a Warm, Welcoming, Non-denominational Family Church that believes in Jesus and The Bible!”, they don’t have a lot left. That’s why Evangelicals love the Rapture! It gives each of them something to think deep thoughts about, share those deep thoughts with anyone who’ll listen, and never have to worry about being wrong.
Consider the deep thinking that leads them to be: Millennialists, Pre-millennialists, Rapturists, and Dispensationalists. Does anyone know what they are? Does anyone care? They are marketing plans that yak-yak-yak about absolutely nothing! Some will intone with great sincerity: “I am a Millennialist.” Competing marketing plans provide reasons for other deep-thinking clergypersons to solemnly announce, “I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues. I think the world will end on an even-numbered Saturday. Could it be next Saturday?”
It’s fun to be Catholic! Read out loud, and repeat, “I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues.” Say it out loud! Sounds good! Put the emphasis on different words. Work the sentence into any religious conversation. Don’t stop there! Repeat it in every conversation. Ignore those people who start to back away from you! You have a mission! Change it by accenting one or more words at random. ‘I, myself, prefer the Pre-millennialist position on many key issues.”
What is a “Millennialist, anyway? Whatever you want it to be! It’s a hoot!
One almost wants to applaud at the sheer wonder of it all as arguing Millennialists and Pre-millennialists are met with claims of moral and intellectual superiority by older Dispensationalists. They get right to the point. “No one knows Jesus and The Bible as well as we do. Give us some money.”
Some Rapture groups have actually predicted the dates on which Jesus would return. The most pitiful believers actually sold their properties and gave the money to their leaders. They donated right up to the day the world didn’t end. The leaders said “It is my duty to keep the money. It’s not my fault that Jesus never showed up.”
Catholics, give thanks! It’s fun to be Catholic! When some greedy crackpot wants to stick his hands in our pockets with some hare-brained religious theory, we know what they really want.
We are blessed to have saved countless billions of dollars that our Protestant friends have given to ambitious men with marketing plans.
