“Jesus, this is Jimmy!”

A Protestant Man with a Marketing Plan! When Calvin was a boy, his parents took him to hear an evangelist. He told the “Jesus, this is Jimmy!” story. As Jimmy grew up, he announced to God every day: “Jesus, this is Jimmy!” After a lifetime of saying “Jesus, this is Jimmy!”, Jimmy died. He went to Heaven. Jesus said, “Jimmy, this is Jesus!”

That sort of mindless drivel, dragged out for five or ten minutes, passes for Christianity among many. It makes the vain and gullible feel good about themselves! “All I have to do is say ‘Jesus, this is Jimmy!’, and I get to Heaven!”

Young Calvin saw the entranced looks on the listeners. He realized: “I can make money doing that!” He became an ordained minister through the mail in some tiny Bible College. He changed his name to Joseph. He took a couple of carpentry classes at a nearby school.

He learned to announce, with the same sort of “Jesus, this is Jimmy!” feeling, “My name is Joseph. I am a carpenter. I have come to build a house for Jesus!”

The “Jesus, this is Jimmy!” people loved it! They would tell their friends, “I’m going to a New Church! It is being built by a man named Joseph! He is a carpenter!”

Their smarter friends would say, “Don’t be a sucker! 45,000 Profiteers of Protestantism have invented their own religions! All of them avoid The Only Church Jesus Founded when He Decreed:

“And I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”

Word of that got back to Pastor Joseph The Carpenter. He realized, “I have to do more! I actually have to show that I am in The Bible!

So, he focused on the obscure “new moon” passages in The Old Testament. “I can tell people that the first day of the week depends on the ‘new moons’! I can read them passages about that. People will believe that I am making sense!”

He named his new denomination “The Six Days Plus One or Two Adventers”.

He invented his own calendar for “The Six Days Plus One or Two Adventers”. If he wanted time off, he could find a reason. “This is a month with two ‘new moons’. We cannot hold services for four weeks! But, we have a responsibility to God! We must tithe! Drop off your money in the new drive-through I built with my own hands to help us honor all of of God’s word.”