One of the most successful Public Relations Programs in history is the magical transformation of mass-murderers into saintly settlers. Pilgrims. Greatest public relations ever.
When the Pilgrims, a tiny schism of utterly self-absorbed Protestants, left England, there was joy. “I’m glad they’re gone! Anglicans are bad enough, but at least they have music and presents at Christmas! Pilgrims just have a big, black ball of neurotic self-righteousness they carry everywhere they go. Good riddance!”
First, they went to Holland. The Dutch didn’t want them around, either. “These have to be the most depressing people in the world! We’d be better off if the King of Spain installed Jesuits to rule over us. At least Jesuits can be cheerful, sometimes.”
Shunned by Europeans, the Pilgrims came to America. Pilgrims had guns. Indians didn’t. “Hmm.” concluded one of the brighter Pilgrim military veterans during Thanksgiving Dinner. “We can shoot the Indians and steal their land.”
So, they did. Quakers, another grim group of joyless souls, followed their example and stole Pennsylvania from the Iroquois. Other Protestants followed their examples.
Despite the efforts of a few decent Moravians to protect them, Protestants spent the next two and a half centuries shooting Indians and stealing their land. All the while, they remained in churches and learned: “We are a special type of Christians. We only have to love some of our neighbors. We can kill the rest!”
Now, a long-running Protestant Marketing Triumph has us ignoring the endless slaughters and thefts while we say “Happy Thanksgiving!” to each other amid pictures of prayerful Pilgrims. It is one of the most bizarre things in history. Pilgrims. Greatest public relations ever.
At the same time, we are never reminded that where Spanish and Portuguese Catholics settled, there are many, many Indians, with Indian DNA in 85% of their peoples today.
Here? We look out our airplane, car, house, and office windows, over places where Indian villages and fields stood for centuries. We not only do not see any Indians, but also, every trace of them has been obliterated.
Is there a lesson? Schisms bring death. Yesterday, Indians. Today, unborn babies. Tomorrow, us.
