Ambitious Protestants who want to start their own religion begin with deeper, darker desires for fame and fortune. They are masked with the usual schismatic subterfuge: “I want to help people have a relationship with God! I want to focus on Jesus and The Bible! I want to focus on the family! I want. . .”
What they really want is unimpeded access to the money that’s generated. After the desire for fame and fortune is sufficiently concealed beneath Christian care, concern, and compassion, they develop a Marketing Plan.
In the old days, Calvin came up with the first focused, effective Protestant marketing plans. “Listen, what we’ll do is tell rich people that they are rich because God has chosen them to be among His ‘elect’. Their wealth proves that God loves them. They don’t need to feel guilty about being greedy, even gluttonous. We’ll tell them that ‘The richer you are, the more God loves you!’ Lots of them will join our churches because we will make them feel good about themselves. Even better, we’ll convince the fools that God wants them to feel even better about themselves by piling up more assets!”
Calvin’s was one of the best Protestant marketing plans ever! It got most of the newly prosperous people in every town and city in America to become Presbyterians. “Wow! I wish I’d thought of that!” every ambitious Protestant has said since.
The first dozen Protestant marketing plans skimmed the “easy opportunities” and crystallized into the Mainstream Protestant groups. Later Protestant schismatics splintered them into an incredible 40,000 separate schisms, most of which do little more than endlessly repeat, “We believe in Jesus and The Bible!” Others focused on ever-tinier details in the Bible and turned them into sales pitches. “Let’s focus on ‘blood’. We’ll tell people that if they have any blood in their food, they will go to hell! Or, Salt. Sugar? Something! Anything! Those people won’t have a lot of money, but they will do what we tell ’em.”
Others would pick out different days to worship. “My Biblical studies prove that those who do not worship on Saturday are damned!” Others may pick Wednesday. It doesn’t really matter what day they pick, as long as some Scripture passage justifies it.
One of the rare women in the Protestants’ booming Schism Business invented “Christian Science”. Soon, any number of vain, prosperous, pseudo-intellectual women all across America were led into “Reading Rooms”. There, they shared “deep thoughts”, most of which led to the undeniable conclusion that they were smarter, better, and knew more than “other women”. The “Reading Rooms” have been replaced by enlightened talk shows, with the same results.
Why does this work? Who is fooled? There are an amazing 40,000 schisms, all founded by ambitious men, and the occasional woman. They all have Protestant marketing plans in place.
Protestant marketing plans lead souls away from The Only Church Jesus Founded. Is there a better way to automate the separation of goats from sheep? Is anything sadder than to see souls led astray by clever men with Protestant marketing plans?
