Who is the most popular Profiteer of Protestantism? Protestants know that the best Protestant Denomination is the newest Protestant Denomination. The newest Protestant Marketing Plan has the best Market Research on possible donors. That provides it with the best Marketing Plan.
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Few Profiteers of Protestantism are as prosperous as Pastor Bob! That famous Protestant did not start out rich. His first Protestant Marketing Plans were failures. “Bounce into Heaven on my gas-powered pogo-stick.” did not do well.
He kept trying. And, he ended up richer than all of them!
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Pastor Bob had a winner when he invented the Protestant Marketing Plan that became The Church of The Perfect Baptism! He was on all the networks! He actually Trademarked the phrase “We must be Baptized just like Jesus!”
His Baptismal Fonts were twenty feet wide and sixty feet long. They had sandy beaches and palm trees on either side! Each one looked just like a section of The River Jordan!
That was popular. But, it wasn’t enough.
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Pastor Bob needed to guarantee that people could be “Baptized just like Jesus!” So, he invented and patented his Rotating Baptismal Crane! His first Baptism only cost $999.00. The person was lowered into the flowing waters of what looked like a section of The River Jordan.
Each Baptismal font was filled with actual water shipped in from The River Jordan! A satellite over The Holy Land was connected to powerful pumps. The water in his Baptismal Fonts flowed at the exact speed of water in The River Jordan!
For another $499.00, the person could be Baptized facing upstream and downstream! That wasn’t close enough for Pastor Bob! “If you truly want to know that you have been Baptized just like Jesus, you have to be Baptized upside down and sideways.”
To get his gold-plated “Guaranteed Key to Heaven”, a person had to spend $1,999.99.
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The money was not in the Baptisms! Pastor Bob sold Franchises! Who bought them? Vain men realized: “I don’t have to get a real job! I don’t have to waste time and money in some Seminary! I can buy a Franchise from Pastor Bob!”
The smarter ones bought two or three!
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The money flowed in faster than water down The River Jordan!
Those who bought Pastor Bob’s Franchises have one complaint: “I’m not getting any money from those Catholics! They should be giving money to me! All Protestants must work together to get them to stop listening to Jesus! They should listen to us!”
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They don’t like anyone to obey The Holy, Church-Founding Word of Jesus!
“And I say unto you thou art Peter and on this rock I build My Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I give you the keys to The Kingdom of Heaven.”
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Free books and writings with similar reasons to be Catholic are on catholicfundamentalism.com.
