Every educated person has heard of ironmongers and fishmongers. And, gossipmongers. We know what “iron”, “fish”, and “gossip” mean. What are “mongers”?
From a dictionary: “Monger: From the old English mangere “merchant, trader, broker,” from mangian “to traffic, trade,” from Proto-Germanic *mangojan, monger, higgler”), from Latin mango (genitive mangonis) “dealer, trader, slave-dealer,” . . . Buck (with Tucker) describes it as “one who adorns his wares to give them an appearance of greater value” and writes it is probably a loan-word based on Greek manganon “means of charming or bewitching.”
“Some people trade in iron. Some trade in fish. Some trade in gossip. What do we call those who trade in the 40,000 half-baked schisms and try to make them look like they make sense? Are they schism mongers. Or, schismmongers.
Is schismmonger one word, or two? Big argument at Catholic Fundamentalism HQ.
The Editorial Board had a long discussion, as editors are inclined to do. “Since the word was invented here at Catholic Fundamentalism, how to spell it is our decision. Our decision has to be right!” agreed everyone sitting around the table.
One group was adamant. “I think that ‘schism monger’ should be two words. The final ‘m’ in ‘schism’ and the beginning ‘m’ in ‘monger’ run together. Obviously, ‘schism monger’ is easier to read as two words. ‘schism monger’.”
Schismmonger. One word, or two? You’ll see!
Older, conservative editors believed that traditional spelling should be used. “We all agree that those who sell trite, half-baked, dressed-up theologies to gullible simpletons are best describes as ‘mongers’. Should there be a space between ‘schism’ and ‘mongers’? We think not. Tradition should rule. There is no space between ‘iron’ and ‘monger’ in ironmonger. There is no space between ‘fish’ and ‘monger’ in ‘fishmonger’. Therefore,’schismmonger should be one word.”
It looked as if the traditional group would carry the day. “After all, this is Catholic Fundamentalism. Tradition should prevail!”
The one, young left-wing Catholic on the Board made one last try. “What about inserting a hyphen, and making it ‘schism-monger’?”
The room fell silent. Conservative brows furrowed. A long silence was finally broken. “I like it!”, said Senior Editor. “‘Schism-monger’ with the hyphen does read more easily. If we all agree, from this point on, ‘schism-monger’ will be the accepted spelling of ‘schism-monger’ in the English language for all the time that’s left.”
All were thankful that a reasonable compromise had been reached, not a frequent occurrence among Catholic Fundamentalists.
Then, a junior editor asked: “I agree that ‘schism-monger’ should be spelled as we’ve decided, with a hyphen. Still, I have one question: is ‘schism-monger’ with a hyphen one word or two?”
Fresh coffee was ordered. It was going to be a long morning.
