Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux

Schism Seminary Announcement:

Now, for a short time, Schism Seminary is offering its most popular course on the new Schism Seminary Cyber School! No need to quit your job to learn the most important revenue stream that every Pastor Bob has to have: “Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux!”

Low-end Pastor Bob start-ups begin with hitting up relatives, friends, neighbors, and co-workers for donations. You know the drill: “I have received a message from The Lord and He wants me to ask you to help get His message out!”

That may be worth a few dollars a week from each of them. But, face it, if you had rich relatives and a good job, you wouldn’t be begging for peanuts. So, Schism Seminary helps you act, and dress, as if you are from a rich family. What do rich families have? They have rich friends and relatives!

The new Schism Seminary Cyber School course shows you how to identify, and befriend, rich people! You will find, for instance, that some approaches help get money from rich men. Completely different techniques are needed to get money from rich women!

You, young Pastor Bob, can learn both! Our course shows you how to identify nearby rich people. There are more around than you think! We show you how to get to know them. Then, we show how to get them to like you. You want them saying “What a fine young man that new Pastor Bob is!” to prosperous relatives, associates, neighbors, and club members. You want lots of Jane and Jimmy Bigbux saying, “If we had more young men like Pastor Bob around here, we certainly wouldn’t have as many problems as we do!”

Ambitious Pastor Bobs have used our Schism Seminary techniques for centuries! We know Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux, whether you spell it Jimmy Bigbuck, Jimmy Bigbucks, or Jimmy Bigbux. We help you find ’em and cash in!Now, with our Schism Seminary Cyber School, you can learn those skills at home. You won’t waste time getting a few meager dollars from struggling families. We’ll show you how to get right into the management and professional levels and get big donations! We’ll show you how to approach business and property owners and get even more!

You don’t think Martin Luther or Joel Osteen got where they did by squeezing a few dollars from poor people! No, they went right to where The Big Money is. All of you bold, young Pastor Bobs need Jimmy Bigbux to start and a lot more of them if you’re going to get anywhere. We’re going to show you how to find them and milk ’em for all they’re worth! Where do you think those massive mega-churches, mansions, and Lockheed Mission Jets come from? The crucial contributions came from somone we call Jimmy Bigbux. They are far too arrogant to be Catholic. And, they are too vain to not want to own their own church. You need one Jimmy Bigbuck to start, and then you need more! We even show you how to get your Jimmy Bigbux to get along!

The sooner we get your order, the faster you can get started on Schism Seminary’s road to the Big Money in Protestant Start-ups!