Pastor Bob’s new commandment

America offers particularly bloody examples of Pastor Bob’s new commandment. Pastor Bobs among Puritan Protestants raised no protest when their Pilgrim flock began killing Indians for their land and property.

Armed men exterminated unarmed Indians while remembering Pastor Bob’s new commandment: “You have a right to be happy in this life.” They were also told, “It’s your Christian duty to spread the Word of God across this great land.”

Pastor Bobs passed the plate in newer churches as Protestants spread West, leaving countless corpses and burned-out Indian villages behind them. It was thought that when they had exterminated the Indians and turned their land into rich, prosperous farms and cities, the Pastor Bobs might embrace Christ’s teaching to “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

That was not to be. After Southern Indians had been pretty well wiped out, generations of Pastor Bobs watched in approval as endless boatloads of kidnapped Africans were forced to spend their lives in slavery. “It’s your Christian duty to bring these heathen savages to civilization.” they announced from countless pulpits. “Just don’t teach them how to read and write.”

Northern Pastor Bobs worked for congregations run by wealthy manufacturers. “You preachers told us ‘You have a right to be happy in this life.’ We’ll be happy if you ministers preach up a war so we can go down South and loot the place. Get everybody fired up about how bad slavery is!”

Southern Pastor Bobs worked for wealthy slave-owners. “You boys pound your pulpits about our Christian duty. Remind all of us who own slaves, ‘You have a right to be happy in this life.'”

After the Civil War, Both Northern and Southern Pastor Bobs joined in peace, prosperity, and proclaiming Pastor Bob’s new commandment “You have a right to be happy in this life”.

That became a battle cry that turned from looting Indians and slave owners to fighting The Catholic Church. Pastor Bobs fought against the strict Catholic teaching on the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage. Pastor Bobs told those who wanted new spouses: “You have a right to be happy in this life.”

From Princeton to Podunk, Pastor Bobs went to seminaries and rehearsed looking sincere as the magic words of Pastor Bob’s new commandment, “You have a right to be happy in this life.” were intoned with different inflections to meet the needs of every situation.

Those rehearsals came in handy a few years later, when obedient Pastor Bobs said “You have a right to be happy in this life.” to those who wanted to use birth control chemicals and devices, even if they caused the tiniest of their own babies to die.

Then, Pastor Bobs began making excuses for actual abortion. All who would listen were told that Pastor Bob’s new commandment triumphantly trumped all truth: “You have a right to be happy in this life.”

Pastor Bob and death. Hand in hand down the broad path to destruction. Those who believe “You have a right to be happy in this life.” march proudly with them, obeying Pastor Bob’s new commandment to the end.