There are 45,000 Protestant denominations. Each began with a Marketing Plan. Smarter people wonder: Who invents Protestant Marketing Plans?
Little Fred.
Little Fred is over 90, now. He began back when Protestant evangelists moved from city to city to city That was a lot of work! They had fleets of trucks and buses. They needed crews to put up and take down huge tents. They handled thousands of chairs. Bands. Week after week after week!
The money was good. The work was hard.
Little Fred’s father was one of those evangelists, the famous “Big Fred”.
At the end of the 1940s, Little Fred helped Big Fred set up his “Radio Ministry”. He called it “Jesus In The Air!” Big Fred stopped traveling. “My son is a genius! I just talk into a microphone and people send me money! It’s like magic!” Radio was much easier than tents!
It was so much easier that Little Fred told his Dad: “Listen, Dad. We’ll have the staff write out “Jesus In the Air!” for a morning broadcast during rush hour. Then, you just read the same sentences in reverse order for another broadcast during the evening rush hour! We’ll call it “Jesus Through The Air!”
Big Fred’s income doubled overnight!
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Little Fred saw his first TV show in early 1950. He was in a big restaurant, relaxing after getting Big Fred’s tent, crews, and equipment loaded on their fleet of buses and trucks and on their last trip to Nashville.
He stared, wide-eyed into the screen on the new TV behind the bar. A revelation came to him! “TV is a gold mine! This is where the money is! Evangelists can be multi-millionaires!”
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Little Fred realized: “I don’t want to be a TV evangelist! I want to get money from TV evangelists! His first Marketing Plan was built around a kitchen table in a set that duplicated an upper middle-class kitchen. An actor played the part of a minister. An actress played the role of his wife.
They would read from The Bible. They would “talk slowly about things”. They would look sincerely at each other. They would take turns looking into the eye-level camera. They would nod wisely. “Visitors” would drop in. Some pretended to be “neighbors”. Lonely viewers identified with them! They were grateful to be sitting around the table! Their desperation for approval moved them to send money to their imaginary ‘friends and family’ around the table in the imaginary kitchen!
It was Marketing Magic!
Little Fred sold that concept for a half a million dollars and 2% of the donations! He opened his own advertising agency on Madison Avenue in New York City.
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Little Fred was on his way! Imitators tried to duplicate his success. Little Fred stayed ahead of them. He paid for good market research! He could accurately identify profitable topics, trends, and target markets. Little Fred could prove to potential customers: “Exactly 62% of my Protestant Marketing Plans turn into Denominational Profit Centers under the complete financial control of my clients! No one in this business has a success record like mine!”
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All of Little Fred’s Protestant Marketing Plan clients begin with a simple step. Little Fred makes sure that they, or the “TV face” they hire, learns to say “I believe in Jesus.” in the necessary number of ways.
Little Fred’s staff takes a week or more to teach them the right way to say “I believe in Jesus!” Then, they go to the next step: “I believe in Jesus!” After that, they are taught how to say: “I believe in Jesus!” Finally, they are shown the right ways to repeat: “I believe in Jesus!”
For target markets among the less educated and more self-righteous, clients are taught to use multi-syllabic variations of “I believe in Jeee-sus!”
Little Fred didn’t stop there!
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Little Fred’s Marketing Plans went from tent to radio to TV to Charismatic to Pentecostal to non-Denominational to Mega-Church!
In that sixty years, Little Fred’s wardrobe went from wearing overalls putting up tents to bright plaid sport coats with wide lapels to gray-flannel suits and ties to open sport coats to turtle-neck sweaters to dark green T-Shirts!
His hair and sideburns went through similar evolutions. Now, his hair is very short. He wears one earring and has a few tattoos. They are not real. This brand-savvy Marketing expert knows: “You never want to let yourself get branded by a passing fad.”
Little Fred has made hundreds of millions by understanding an unchanging component of Protestantism: “All fads are passing. Some are profitable.” Little Fred keeps up with everything! He’s tied down to nothing!
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His clients agree: “Little Fred may be over ninety years old, but he’s still a marketing genius! He’s the Smartest Protestant of all!” Private pilots fly them to New York in personal jets.
They all want to ask Little Fred: “What’s your next Protestant Marketing Plan?”
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New Road to Rome and other books are available free on catholicfundamentalism.com
